Mood Swings and Men

Mood swings are a pain in the ass.. don't know when it's coming or how you will defend yourself but you could never be to prepared for the worst. Especially when females have their periods... they tend to be like vultures.. ready to attack anything that stands 2 feet away from them. At least that is how I am... does that make me weird? I am the type of person who will give you a hefty attitude. The "Don't fuck with me face" always seems to appear when doing absolutely nothing. I am like a criminal and the audience are my victims.. please don't fuck with me when I am on my period. I will belittle you and not even feel guilty, scream at you until your ears start to bleed, eat until I feel like an obese person( no pun intended), cry at various times of day by staring at a concrete wall. Is it just me? When I become this other "woman" I feel the sudden urge to cause mayhem but then upon reflection I feel like a monster. HmM.. now I know how Dr. Jekyll and Mr. hide felt. The reason I am posting a blog about periods is because due to my "gift" as a woman I am now friendless. FUCKING PERIODS!! PSHhH.. I have insulted my family and my friends.. including my dogs. Hey, at least they know I still love them... or not. This question goes out to all the females... How do YOU deal with your Mother Flow?

Partying and Heat Do Not Mix!

It has come to my attention that heat and partying do not mix. Now, I have recently discovered that I have a personal grudge against this unbearable heat which transforms into sweat which then leads to stickiness all over my body and a party on a Friday night. Why must you treat me this way oh Mr. Heat? Does it even matter that I took 2 1/2 hours to get ready for a party I didn't even want to go to? Or that I changed 500 times while at the same time painting my left toe because I have been lazy enough to not do it for the past week? How about the fact that my hair was not cooperating with me as usual. Don't you just hate it when that happens.. like when you have to go somewhere important and your hair has been fine the whole entire day so you leave it for last minute since it has cooperated but when the time comes it turns out that the hair you thought was going to cooperate was being a bitch to you. Yeah well that's exactly what happened. SO as I was apparently trying to come into terms with my not so nice hair my Twin sister and her friend were getting changed to go party. We left the house around 12am.. yes we were late... we WERE suppose to leave at 11:30pm but when you have more than 1 person involved in the celebrations things tend to get delayed. So we came across a few problems as usual:

A. We needed to take out money to pay for a cab but all the stores were closed!
B. We didn't take pictures before we left the house which would have been a smart idea since we knew we were going to look like a hot mess afterwards
C. We didn't exactly know where this place was to begin with we just have an address
D. The cab driver didn't know where the place was located

All of these problems occurred before the actual party believe it or not. So we finally got to our destination and I tell my Twin Sister to call her friend who is hosting the party.. apparently he does cannot understand what my sister is telling him so she closes because she " did not want to get mad" WT F DOOFUS We need to find where the fucking party is!!!! ...yeah she didn't care. So we get out of the cab and her friend spots us and guess who's name he decides to call in the middle of the street.... YEP you guessed it Mine. tsktsktsk! Out of the three other people in the cab with me he decides to call out my name... trust me I don't know why either and I didn't get mad over this but I was like DUDE WT F you literally screamed out my name and everyone looked. Although from time to time I do enjoy attention today was not the day.

When we approach the entrance to the "party scene," I immediately notice that the party was in the same place I hosted my party last year. Ugh I hated the place... plus is was known for the hickest people on the earth!

F.Y.I: For those of you who don't know what a hick is I will explain. Although there are many definitions for what a hick is. In my Hispanic culture a hick is described as someone who comes from a Hispanic country mainly from the Dominican Republic, these people are known as Dominican's. They tend to try and portray an American in the worst way. Their clothes are cheap and their English speaking is not up to par but then again they have the audacity to think they are better than most.

I dislike hicks because they are the most loudest Dominicans and their gangster language is nauseating. I did not know we were going to go to this type of party, let me remind you that I did not feel like partying tonight either way. So, as we are walking up the stairs we pay for the entrance which I thought it was $10 but somewhere along the night I find out it was $5. I GOT JIPPED FOR MY $5 DOLLARS.. INCREDIBLE!

I discovered that my long lost friend Goldita Supreme was at the same party with her posse. Yeah it was awkward because we have had our ups and downs and our friendship is crumbling but hey you win some and you lose some... you could only put so much effort into a relationship until you get tired of the effort your putting knowing that it's for no reason. I have learned that people do change and I have to learn to accept it.

While everyone was mingling, guys kept on coming up to me and my friends asking to dance...

A. I have a boyfriend
B. I did not want to party to begin with
C. The DJ was wack
D. There was no room
E. I was starting to get sweaty and sticky again

Hence the rejection was just waiting to happen... basically I just stood there the whole entire night and danced by myself... no guy was worthy of dancing with. Also, it was dark... who knew what they looked like with the lights on. Then as the disastrous night continued to get worse I started getting hot and sweaty and then the room started to stink like mustiness mixed with bad deodorant. The conclusion of this was that I wanted to leave.. I started to get irritated and was ready to punch someone in their face literally.. we finally left and called it a night... an early night that is.. but I still don't understand how time flew by seeing as I ended up going to sleep around 5 something in the morning and we got home around 2:10am. SMH! I blame it on me already getting old hence I am 19!! sad I know

Sibling Rivalry

Is it weird to dislike your sister for her stupidities and her argumentative ways? For getting involved in your business and opinionating at the wrong times? Also, for embarrassing you in front of your boyfriend and making your life hell every time your in the room with her? I know everyone who reads this can all agree that they have been there more than once in their lifetime. Who knows, as your reading this AMAZING blog at this precise moment your brother or sister could be talking SHYT while your trying to get caught up in this blog. BOY Ol' BOY have I been there... everyday to be exact. Well this blog is dedicated to my TWIN SISTER who makes my life not so great... EVERYDAY!

____ things I hate about you:

1. The way you pretend to be a saint
2. When you try to act better then me.. WHAT HAPPENED TO EQUALITY??!!!
3. Pretending to be innocent
4. Blaming me for all of your mistakes
5. Your Hypocrisy
6. Your lies
7. Selfishness
8. Money hungry ways
9. SUNY Albany accent
10. When you make me sleep on the floor when your friends come to stay the night.
11. Greediness
12. When you scream for no reason then when I do it you get mad
13. Get mad for no reason
14. Curse and then complain about me cursing
15. Always complaining about your weight, chin, arms, etc...
16. Argue with me in front of your friends
17. Tattle Tale!
18. When you never clean!
19. Steal my underwear.. YUCK!
20. Insult me every chance you get

AhhHh.. I feel better =] Of course her being my twin sister and all I will forgive her sooner or later but I am mad at the moment. No, I am not a horrible sister but I hate feeling this way, hence the point of me writing in my blog =]! Till the next post!

Decisions.. Decisions.. Decisions

Why is it that when I am satisfied with the decisions I make, when everything is going fine and I am preparing for the next step to a new journey.. someone always has to mess it up? Why does that person have to come and say something now.. out of all the times I spoke about it.. now is the time that they have a new opinion? Then again, in their eyes I can't get mad because they are trying to do what is best for me. Their opinion of me is a failure without a concept. Why can't people just let me learn from my mistakes? How else am I able to grow as a person? Ugh, life can be so hard when people try to meddle into affairs. This is the same thing that occured last year with College stuff like "Back up Homie!". I feel like I am dying inside with everything that is left of me. Why do I have to be the one out of all people in the world to have a bad experience with College? Do I have to stay at home when I was the one who wanted to leave? Why do I have to sacrifice my education just to make my Twin sister happy with hers? Why is she the one to rain on my parade and not care... while my older sister has single handedly achieved what no one has. She has manipulated my mind and abused of my trust and that is why I am in the predicament that I am in. What happens now? After I vent and cry until no tears come out? What will happen to my future.. well the rest is still unwritten but I guess it is time to move on. Leave my dreams and aspirations standing in the door that was never opened.

Odd Dreams.. Random... Reality?

This morning I woke up from a cool and bizarre dream... like it was completely out of CSI or Law&Order. Before I forget what the dream was, I am going to tell you so that you can help me out and figure out what it meant. So in the dream I was in the street, inside the body of a male criminal.. or what I thought was a criminal at the time. He walked the streets filled with fear, looking from left to right in search of something... something he never found. The scene changes and I am walking down my block in New York City, I remember feeling mad at my twin sister. She wanted to go to the beach with some of our closest friends but I wanted to stay home so I fled. I fled to my house and she ran after me but she never catched up. The scene yet again changes to a home that is not quite like my home. I push the door to my "apartment," but yet it turns into a crime scene for some odd reason. I feel myself become a spirit or invincible.

I would compare this out of body experience like that movie which I can't seem to remember. The main character was Scrooge and the night of Christmas Eve I believe, a ghost came and made him invincible and showed him his past, present, and future. Well I felt as if I was invincible because when I walked in no one seemed to turn around. I kept on screaming and screaming but it was as if I was not there. So as I keep on walking into, what I believe is my apartment, I immediately spot two Detectives. A male and a female looking over at some files. As I am remembering this odd dream I feel a sense of amazement! The Crime Scene Investigations: CSI, Law&Order, and The First 48 shows paid off! I actually know various criminal terms and titles for murders and suspects, victims, and trials. In my mind I was like " Holy shyt I am extremely smart in my own dream woo hoo!"

Now going back to the dream.. So as I am seeing the files through the eyes of the female detective I notice something. The files contained photos and names of criminals with the types of crimes they have committed. I don't remember if it was all female criminals or a mix of both male or female. After seeing this I comment something like " If I want to move to 2nd rank detective then I need to solve this case... I came from a farm..." Yeah I don't know what the farm thing was about but yeah...

The scene yet again changes for the 3rd time and I am now in a court room. I can see the jury and the lawyers. I stand before the court and say something and the room becomes dark. The door opens with a BANG! a shadow of a female body stands before me and I start to run. Don't ask why but I just run... and the shadowy female pulls me. I felt as if I was being kidnapped. I hear a voice in the distance...

It was my mom telling me to get up!.. Don't you just hate it when your in a good dream and your about to get to the good part but someone has to wake you up. Well that is exactly what happened and boy was I upset! I feel as if my dream could be a cool mystery book but if I did start to write it I would not finish it. I am just that type of person... I start things but never finish them when it starts to get boring. Sometimes I tend to do more than one thing and then one of my projects starts becoming more interesting than the other ones so I give more attention to the one I am working on and forget about the others. Well I don't know what the dream meant... maybe my subconscious is warning me for some reason.. I don't know but what I do know is that I will be watching more Law&Order shows! ^_^

Bad Parenting Leads To Tragic Death...

While I was browsing through Google I spotted something that was bizarre in it's own way. Apparently Mike Tyson's 4-year old daughter died in a tragic treadmill accident. But wait... it gets better. Two weeks after she passed away he decides to marry his long term girlfriend. Like WTF?? Your child dies and you don't mourn? you decided to throw a wedding. It's not my part to say how every family mourns for a person's loss but still that is immoral to me. The child died because she got tangled with a cord that belonged to a treadmill. What kind of parent does not tend to their child when they are near an exercise equipment. I mean "Come On," adults get hurt at the gym on the treadmill. I remember when I used to go to the gym, I jumped on the treadmill and was about to get hurt because I was exhausted so I nearly slipped. The reality is that accidents do happen, but when you have small children you always have to be careful. Always know where they are and be smart, don't have unsafe things in the house. If you DO have unsafe equipment then lock those doors. Children get hurt by any little thing and it is such a tragedy that this poor child passed away due to a treadmill. I hope that future parents be aware that rare situations like these CAN happen to normal living parents everywhere. If we don't take care of our kids or our future kids then who will?

PssT.. Shorty with the...

Don't you just hate it when your walking around with your guy friends or your boyfriend without a care in the world and you suddenly pass guys in the street. Obviously you don't care because you don't know them so you keep on walking, until one of the guys out of the bunch decides to be brave. Brave in the sense that he feels the need to go out of his way to be an ass and say " Psst." Like Whoa buddy slow YOUR role. It just gets me mad because that is disrespectful. Guys these days have no consideration for anything, they think that it's okay to be a dog in the streets and behave that way at all times. I just want to go over to them and punch them in their face but then again that wouldn't be lady like, and I could possibly worsen the situation. So what brings me to these violent thoughts? Well yesterday I was hanging out with my boyfriend, Twin sister, her friend, and her guy friend. We all got kind of hungry so we decided to walk to walk to Burger King and eat but Burger King didn't have food. Breathe it's okay!! I also was like huh??!!.. It's the recession I tell you.. even fast food places have lack of food these days. So any ways, we are all walking down the street and of course there are people everywhere because of the warm temperature today. I immediately spot these group of guys sitting on top of cars but I pay no mind because I thought to myself " They could not possibly say something if we are with guys.. right?"... WRONG! We had made it half way past them and then one of the outspoken ones said " Psst." My heart literally stopped because I was holding my boyfriend's hand and my twin sisters friends were also together so I didn't want the guys to get mad. Everyone knows how guys get when other dudes step in their territory or holler at girls they are with. So I just waited for my boyfriend to put his angry face like this -_- and say something that would lead to an altercation. But thankfully nothing happened.

Word of the wise for the fellas:: When guys are with their girls don't holler because..

A: she obviously doesn't know you or she would have stopped and said Hi

B: what type of person would go out with a guy who likes to holler in the street?

C: You look dumb because the girl will most likely not turn around

D: Your lucky if the guy that she is with just ignores you instead of approaching you.

So you see fellas if a girl doesn't want to date you when your normal and well behaved then don't go and act like a stupid-ass and holler at girls in the street. Come on! We are in 2009! nobody holler's anymore.. can't you see the nerds are getting the girls these days? Pretty people are isolating themselves with too many demands. Therefore get with the program... while I am on the subject, pick up your jeans! There is no need to have your jeans below your waist.. like wtf? nobody stops and stares anymore.. maybe if you have your jeans attached to you appropriately a girl could at least look at you and keep on walking. Hey it's an improvement. Any ways, I am done preaching but for my 3 critics... what do you think of this situation? What would you have done if you were with your boyfriend and some L.A.M.O decided to holler at you?

Stalker... Infections... Salty Nut?

Have you ever had that feeling that you were being watched? Every sudden move is being recorded through memory? As if you feel a presence just staring at you and the heat that arises with the terrible realization that yes this is happening to you!... You start to turn but stop yourself because the thought of knowing what in fact is looking at you or worse is behind you is too heart stopping to bare. You now have two options:

1. Start to pray.. yes right there in the middle of crying and wiping away liquid boogers that are flowing inches away from your mouth.

*shudders*

1a. After you finished your prayer which started something like this.. Are you there God.. It's me Stinky Stella... I know that the last time I spoke to you we had kind of a little disagreement but I swear I didn't steal the cookies from the cookie car!!!....

2. Be Brave: Start turning around slowly.. contemplate your next move before you do anything irrational like take whatever is closest to you, for example: a role of toilet paper that was sitting on your computer screen, and use it for defense. Now, you might be thinking what does any of this have to do with anything?

Well if you would give me time I would get to the point. ^_^.....So as I was thinking about what to write on my blog for today since I had a sudden case of writer's block. (It could be because of the migraine that came upon me all day or maybe because I was nauseous due to the migraine.) Either way my mind was on it's blank stage and then I felt IT... this abrupt heat come out of nowhere. I know that most people have experienced this either in the train when your sitting down and you get that feeling that someone is watching you or when your walking in an isolated park ( Why you would walk in an isolated park is beyond me). Well, apparently that was the feeling I got as I was sitting on my computer screen thinking of what I could write today for my blog post. It was this annoying feeling and me being me I look through my peripheral vision and due to this, I feel the pain even more. So I did what any other normal person would do I turned and put this face -_- and just stared back. Now, you might think that is quite daring of me seeing as you don't know what to expect when you turn and look but I am a risk taker and THAT my friends is what risk takers do. Lets get back to what I encountered, shall we? So I turned and looked and there she was my stupid twin sister in the bed looking at me for what reason? I don't know and this is what I said as I kept on staring at her like this 0_o

Me: WTF!!?? Why is your body heat feeling up on me? I felt you staring at me and thus distracted me from blogging.

TS: I don't know... I felt like staring at you.

Me: So basically you stopped illegally reading New Moon online to observe me as I was blogging?

TS: Now.. now my little Salty Nut..

Me: ::glares:: Whoa there Mad Eye Moody! Salty Nut? Are you that bored?

TS: ::Laughs:: Yo, I can not believe that they stopped giving the chapters for New Moon online!!!

Me: Well maybe if you stopped reading it illegally online and started to buy the books like every other person in the world who wants to continue the series then this wouldn't be happening to you!

TS: Salty Nut, we are in an economical crisis.. does my face look like it has the dollar bill painted on it! No I didn't think so.

Me: Well then... good luck... I'm blogging... go read some illegal online porn or something. Educate yourself.

::: 10 minutes later... TS returns to staring at me::::

Me: So your staring at me again why?

TS: What are you reading?

Me: I'm reading other people's blogs... blogs that are interesting....now why don't you occupy yourself, do something useful.

TS: I am... I am staring at you. ^_^

Me: TS!!! Stop distracting me.

TS: Don't get your panties wrapped up in a bunch, your NOT that interesting to observe.

Me: Good.. now you will be ignored.. write me a post-it note or send me an email and when I am not busy I will respond.

Now you will think that, that was the end of it... but it wasn't. She kept on staring at me until she got bored. Then I started to observe her, she was talking to her laptop screen. I guess she was behaving in a retarded way (*No offense to the special people out there I don't mean it as an insult) because she has had an infection. Now before you think of some type of vaginal infection let me clarify. Apparently, TS has had an eye infection which has caused her right eye to appear swollen and allergic. I guess it is not contagious because I have not gotten. This is why I called her Mad Eye Moody in the above conversation. Now, it took me forever to write this post because since I attended to her needs the whole entire night I did not sleep a wink. Therefore, I went to sleep earlier and I came back with a clearer mind. So my fellow critics, I hope that my useful words of what to do is needed in the future. If any of you have experienced a similar situation where you have felt someone stare.. then do-tell. I do look forward to reading about situations and how you yourself have dealt with it.

Logical Tests Aren't So Logical

You see, I never saw it coming but the signs were there ofcourse. Today I had to take a test for a job, unfortunately I can't tell you the job because if I mention it then I might be discovered if by "mistake" my twin sister or someone else were to come across this blog. Ever since I was young I remember being a bad test takers. I would study hard and believe that I have the ability to pass it but I was proved otherwise. Coming from a family of failures and successes it wasn't that hard to be the "bad seed." My older sister was known for her smarts, she was a geek, member of the school band and skinny. My twin sister was the artist, took after my beloved father who loved to draw weird shapes which turned into masterpieces, I guess it rubbed off on her. And then there was me, a fat four-eyed chubby girl who loved to dance and read. Growing up I would always get the usual remarks from my mother " Why can't you be like your older sister?" At times I would just ignore the remarks but you see when your the "bad seed" of the family and your grades are poor compared to your two other sisters, you start to want to excel because those silly remarks start taking a toll, and it did. I tried to become better at my studies but my exam grades were always poor...till this day I still get bad grades on exams. I guess I just was not meant to be a test taker. Today's test in particular was not complex at all, matter of fact it was based on common sense. Now if you had some sort of vision problem then it would make sense that you would fail a logical test but I unfortunately had no excuse. The first part was easy...it was based on standard reading and answering questions. Then came the second part of the test, the "visual" part. I felt like I was in a game of I SPY or Where's Waldo. The tricky part was that they only gave you a few seconds for you to try and find the object. UgHh as you can imagine I failed this part. I think that the computer was laughing at me, it didn't even wait a week to give me the results seeing as when I got home I logged on to my email and BAM! There it was... an email of my failure. I felt as if I was back in High School, when I got my report card and nervously searched the paper to soon discover that I failed that class I worked so hard for. Overall, I am pissed off I failed such a simple test, does it even count that I strained my eyesight! I could have gone blind due to the light that my eyes consumed while being glued to the screen for nearly 2 hours!!! I think that I should write to Obama to see if he has some words of wisdom for the people who are overly intelligent. I think I have found the reason why I failed the logical test... I am too smart! Wala.. and that's the way the cookie crumbles!

P.S: For my ghost readers out there who I know won't be responding: Does anyone have this type of test taking problems? Any tips?

Blog Therapy 101

It has come to my attention that expressing one's self is harder when there are consequences. As a child I kept many diaries, written in those diaries were my most hidden thoughts and secrets that I would dare not say out loud. As any child wanting to be a grown-up I wrote about boys who I had a crush on even though they never knew I existed, siblings who at that time got me so mad that to get revenge I would say the most meanest things. I thought that by doing this I would get rid of the anger and at the same time make them pay for getting me in the state of mind that I was in to begin with. Little did I know that my most precious thoughts and secrets were being read as soon as I left my sanctuary, my room. You see, growing up with two other sisters who were older than you was not easy. Especially if the middle child was twenty minutes older than you and the oldest child was a genius! I had no special talents... I was not good at Math... I could not cook... hated to clean... but the only thing I loved to do was read. I read all types of books... books were my friends. To me it was an escape from reality, it was my high, my kryptonite. The smell of a brand new book that was waiting to be read gave me sheer happiness until the feeling escaped me and I had no other choice. You must ask yourself as you are reading this, how could the feeling of loving to read have escaped someone? Well, apparently my father thought that the books came from the devil. 0_O.. yea i know. So I stopped reading and turned to writing in journals. Although I still have a passion for reading I like to write better. Thankfully I have found a way to put my emotions into this blog in hopes that I can safely write my thoughts and secrets anonymously. It's one thing to act a certain way in front of your friends and family but it's another way to act when you are alone with your thoughts. I hope that I am atleast entertaining in my blog as I am in real life!

P.S: If I only write this for myself at least my conscience will be clean but it wouldnt hurt to have readers ;)